do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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