I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
