Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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