i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
