new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
