absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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