I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
