I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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