This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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