Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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