I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
