You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
