I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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