remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
