She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
