I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
