i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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