the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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