I wish I could punch you in the face.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
