I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Idk if I want to put a bra on
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
