A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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