walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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