what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
