my mouth tastes like poor choices
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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