I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
