Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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