Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
