I'm so fucking centered right now
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
