If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
