omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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