Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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