Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I want is dick and wine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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