Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
