You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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