Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
