I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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