I like to think it a success when the cops are called
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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