did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
