my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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