Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
