i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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