and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
