I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
