Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
