It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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