She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
