I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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