Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's the barista slut.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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