after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
