shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
