If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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