I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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