I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
