So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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