if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
