idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
