there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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