3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
