Need sex. Gaining weight.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
