STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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