So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
