i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
