just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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