mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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