Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
