Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Vodka?
Forever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
