"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your cock deserves a montage
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
