when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
