I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
