You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Acid is not a monday night drug
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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