If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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