Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
