well I can't set my house on fire every night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize