I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
