Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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