it's too hot outside to masturbate.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
