Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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