names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
