can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
