You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
