sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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