I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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