so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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