Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
