You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
