its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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