i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
