Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
