I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
