Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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