There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
