How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
